Friday, December 23, 2005

Man, WTF ?????!!!!

It's two days before Christmas and I am not feeling it one bit. In fact I am in the most foul mood and giving off some strong negative energy. It's so bad that last night we got together to jam, and I didnt play a note. I just sat out in the hall and tuned my drums.

My jam pad roomie played his kit and sat in with the guys. They played for two hours while I sat out in the hall and just did my own thing. I just cant seem to shake the bad mojo.

The tension between me and wife is at an all time high. I dont even want to talk to her because I know it will turn into a fight. The house is messy, the yard was a mess and my nerves are pulled to the point that they are gonna snap. Me and my oldest son raked the yard and that still didnt burn off my aggressions.

So as I type this and reread the first three paragraphs, the first thing that jumps out as to the possible cause is that I havent made a meeting in a couple of weeks. I've been sober long enough to know what the deal is pertaining to consistant meetings. I just choose to be lazy and not want to go to any meetings. Life is what it is. I cant change it, so the only thing I can do is change me. If I dont keep that in mind and get my ass back to a regular meeting schedule, I'll be drunk again.

I think the other part to my problem is that we arent going home for Christmas. Both of our families are still recovering from the hurricane, and we dont want to go down there and add to the stress they are already dealing with. My parents especially are having a rough time. There are 7 adults living in my parents 3 br home. Some have medical conditions and my mom is running around trying to be superhuman and take care of every little problem.

My inlaws got some of their house ripped away by the hurricane. They were fortunate. As they live one block off the gulf beach, most homes south of theirs were totally destroyed. There was a cargo ship deposited on the other side of my inlaws house. Another 100 feet and it would have crushed their house.

Anyway....I'm not festive. Just call me Mr. Grinch.

5 comments:

trish said...

Im trying to decide whether your xmas is crappier than mine. I suppose a tie will be better? For what its worth Merry Trishmas & Happy Holidays anyway

boiledpnut said...

Paul,

Go to a meeting. Please. Consider it a gift to your children.

Wishing you all the best,
Pnut

addict said...

Three fixes:
1. get to a meeting and mingle a bit
2. suck it up and buy the wife some flowers, even if you think she's the person in the wrong.
3. go directly to bed, preferably with wife and don't come out until you're feeling better!

(it always works for me... well if you sub the word wife with the word husb)

3 1/2. stop by and read my blog (and read today's entry, then just take a minute and "Be Thanks"

Wendy said...

The other night before my husband's interview we couldn't talk to each other. it has been that way for a month. Everything is getting on my nerves, and anytime we talk, we fight. I totally understand. Just a lot of stress.

Today was the first day I felt well, happy and Christmasy. I think it is because I slept 11 hours straight. Go to bed early. Get up late. Relax and put all the BS on a back burner and be happy you are all alive, well, and warm. Christmas is not about a clean house (even though it helps, of course I am obsessive compulsive), it is about love and family.

I hope you feel better and I am thinking of you. :)

:phil: said...

Paul, sorry things are rough right now. You got some great advice from everyone here.

Have a Merry Christmas Paul.