Tuesday, March 25, 2008

The voices in my head

I love Cheap Trick and this song applies.... Let me preach on it:

As you may know, I've been in a real funk for awhile. I believe it's a result of a bunch of causes. Before I get too far into this, I want to dedicate this video to Momthatsnuts too. Mom, I know you have also been going through your own rough times, so I hope you enjoy the song.

So, I went to the gym tonight with my beautiful wife and climbed my fat butt on a treadmill. I was able to run on speed "#5" for 30 minutes without keeling over of a heart attack. When I got done with my workout, I sat at a table and waited my wife to finish her routine. While I sat there listening to my MP3 player I began to think about why I've been in such a rut lately. One reason is because I've let myself go and am now weighing 215. I eat like shit and have no one to blame but me. I am now going to start watching what I eat. I'll stop short of saying I'm on a diet, but rather I am going to try not to eat a bunch of fattening ass shit in huge portions. I will continue to do a gym routine of some sort 3-5 days a week.

Secondly, I have no gratitude for the things in my life. I bitch about this and that and criticize my wife and kids instead of enjoying and appreciating their company. My ego gets the best of me and I expect my family to be as good as I think they should be. I will do my best to try to be more appreciative of them and not yell so much at my kids. I said that when I retired, I was going to "chill out" more. That has yet to happen. Furthermore, I will try to connect more with my children. My concern here is that it may be a little late, but I'm still going to try.

Lastly, I've been stressing about my job. I cant seem to get any satisfaction from it and at the same time, I'm stressing because I've had 5 jobs since I left the Air Force. This teaching gig pays extremely well and I really love teaching. I think I need to chill the hell out and just enjoy the job instead of bitching about it. I am very fortunate to have a good paying job in these times. Once again, Paul needs to have some gratitude about having a well paying job.

The moment of clarity about all of this hit me tonight while I was sitting in the gym blaring Metallica. Who says metal music is bad???

I feel really good (and tired) after tonight's workout and new frame of mind. Stay tuned to see if I'm blowing smoke or this is the beginning of the climb out of a deeeeep rut...



Addict said...

My climbs out are always two steps forward, one back...
I try to measure by the yard instead of by the inch. I get to see more progress that way :)
It's REALLY nice seeing you!!

MomThatsNuts said...

Hey Paul,

First of all, THANK YOU for the song. LOVE IT....
Secondly, yes I agree with you, if you only see, feel, hear negative, that is all you will get back!! I spent my entire 45 minute drive to work yesterday saying THANKS for stuff in my life. THANKS for my car that runs, THANKS for my kids that are not on drugs, that are good to people. THANKS for my job that I sometimes HATE but I still have it. THANKS for my BLOGGING BUDDIES...its orange blossom season here in AZ. I am gonna have to die in March so I can have Orange blossoms at my funeral. It is my most favorite smell in the world, and even though I sneezed my head off I was THANKFUL that I could smell them. You know how you treat your body goes a long way in how you feel and treat other people. If your not good to YOURSELF how can you be good to others??? As for your kids...they will appreciate you engaging in their life WHENEVER you do it...dont let them get ANY OLDER...the time passes too fast...be patient grasshopper!! I am learning as I get older....
WOW that was almost like a lecture or something...wasnt intended to be, just dont want to see you be FUNKY as long as I was. GET YOUR GUITAR OUT...find your JOY and write some songs for your kids..they will get a kick out of it!!