Sunday, September 18, 2005

Test 1, 2, 3, Test...Test

Hello everyone!
Did ya miss me????? Thanks Wendy for spurring me to get back on my postings. I've been so busy and in a funk. Physically, mentally and spiritually I have been feeling poorly. It seems I am in such a rush to get everywhere I am going. My habit of procrastinating only compounds my situation.

I'm going to vent a little, so please let me indulge. I think I need this. OK here goes..

Lately I cant fall asleep till about midnight. On Mon, Wed and Fri I am up at 5;15am to get to the gym for PT. I get off at 4:30 and speed home to change so I can get to work at the
music store as close to 5 as possible. I close the store at 6:30-ish and come home to be a dad and a husband. I've developed the bad habit of getting on the computer and surfing the net looking at all things musical till midnight...and the cycle continues.

My wonderful wife has her career and still is able to get the kids to soccer and other school stuff. So with both of us doing what we do, things have gotten a little out of hand. The house gets messy and that drives me nuts. I used to enjoy doing yard work, but have been too worn out for the last few weeks. I made my 14yr old get out and cut it, and he does, but he doesn't take care of the finer details. I don't say anything to him other than thank you.

My lethargic attitude caused me to forget to call my dad on his birthday. I've never ever missed calling my dad on his B-day. I'm so damned pissed at myself for that. When I called the next day I got my mom. I already felt like crap, and was talking to mom when she broke down and started crying. I asked her to tell me what's wrong. She said, "What do you want me to tell you Paul"? Her response is burned into my mind forever. The coast has been so devastated by the hurricane and my mom has a houseful of relatives and friends living with her and dad. She seems way too stressed. I cant do a thing to go help clean up down there because the Air Force has issued a no travel order to the states of Ms and La. I wont even go into that tangent.


Anyway, I love my mom to death. She tries so hard to be everything for everyone. I wish she would just take care of herself as well as she does everyone else in her life.

I know some of my stress comes from working my second job. However, I don't want to quit it. I love working there. There is a calming effect I get from being around all the musical stuff. The Air Force has provided me a comfortable living and I'm thankful, but it has run its course. It has changed so much and our role is shifting to an Army mentality. I'm not willing to do that. I will be happy to retire in 2 yrs.

OK, so that's my whining session for today. I feel better now that I've typed all of this out.

9 comments:

Heather said...

Paul, I swear,,, everyone I know right now is going through a funk! It just keeps getting deeper... I hope you feel better soon!

Thanks for stopping by my blog... look forward to me stalking yours! ha ha!

So.... what kind of bird do you have???

heather

Wendy said...

I'm glad you are back. I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. I understand how you feel. Sometimes there is just to much we HAVE to do, and not enough time for us.

This is why I don't go to bed until 1AM every night...

Paul (rock star wanna be) said...

Have a male parakeete here Heather. Welcome to my circus, and thanks for stopping by.

Hope to see ya on a regular basis.
Peace

MomThatsNuts said...

Hey Paul...Hey Heather!!!! Im glad you found Paul, is is super cool and peachy keen and all that... Paul, I DID do the 7 things question....look in august....
Paul you will love Heather she is swell~~ OK well back to my flippen hijacked browser problem...

Mom

jenbeauty said...

Whine and rant, this is as good a place as any.

I know how your feeling, tired all the time here as well. It is enough just to keep the house running, let alone actually work while I am at my job! lol

I hope you have a better week.

MomThatsNuts said...

OH Paul,

As to your rant. Sometimes you just get in a funk. Personally I have been in a rather bad one myself. I think your having a midlife crisis....I am having one I know for sure. I got to buy me a new car and get a boyfriend...lol and KIDS they wear you OUT...and 14 year olds SUCK....no wonder your tired...

Mom

boiledpnut said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
boiledpnut said...

Whine away! It's your own damn blog, after all! Keep the second job-- you clearly love it-- and keep your head up. Things, like tired weeks and burn out, come in waves. You'll be riding high in no time.

MomThatsNuts said...

Hows it going?? Just thought I would check on you. Hang in there