Monday, December 15, 2008

Why does God involve me?...I cant take this stress in my life

I am a recovering alcoholic. My life is very fragile even after 6 yrs of sobriety. I don't bother people, and I don't want to be bothered. Just when I think I've seen it all, God sees fit to push me further. I wish he'd back off a little:

This evening at about 5:30 the doorbell rings and I'm in my usual position surfing the net. I don't get up because the door (or phone) is never for me. A few seconds go by and it rings again. My 12 year old opens the door and I hear an adult female voice telling my son to dial 911 because she just got home from work and found her husband down in the garage. We have a free standing fireplace that blocks the front door view from the middle of our living room, so when I hear this voice I jump up and walk to the door. It's the lady across the street and she is frantic.

My 12 yr old immediately gives me his cell phone as I ran out the front door to go see whats going on. My mind was racing a million miles an hour and as I approached the gentleman, the 911 operator comes on and I ask her to send an ambulance. He had no pulse and he wasn't breathing.

I began CPR and got through about 4 repetitions before the paramedics arrived and took over. It was a very different experience than the training I've received throughout my military career. I did not have a pocket mask and had to provide rescue breaths without any type of barrier. That part was the weirdest experience I've ever had.

Several neighbors just stood there and watched me without even asking to help. That pisses me off to no end. My senses were heightened so much that I heard every word that was spoken. It was like an out of body experience.

I'm sad to report that my neighbor didn't make it. My wife and I went to the hospital to check on him and we visited with his wife for a second. She said the docs told her that he had been down for quite awhile. I hope God helps her through her grief. My heart goes out to her and her family.

It's a couple of hours after the fact and now my body hurts and my head hurts. I did CPR on the concrete and my knee caps are screaming now. I feel like shit and I just want to sleep. I cant take this kind of stress in my life.

RIP James

3 comments:

OweMe1Cannoli said...

I'm nobody's analyst, my friend. I am far from qualified to answer the question in the title of your post. But I will say that from where I stand, I'm very proud to call you a friend. Regardless the outcome (as you said, that's God's deal), you answered His call when no one else did. That makes you very special in my book.

Jinxie said...

Paul, I'm sorry your neighbor James didn't survive. I see the Blessing that you were the neighbor/friend that got up from what you were doing, to get down on a cold concrete floor and offer life support without protection.

You did it without care for yourself, you were only thinking of him, while your neighbors stood by and watched. I believe God puts people in our lives when we need them the most and his wife needed you to help, she will always remember it.

I was married before to and alcoholic and he beat me in my front yard and I will forever remember the neighbors that stood by and watched, doing nothing. I hold no ill will toward them but when I see those same people I always remember "you were eating dinner and I seen you looking out your window but you didn't offer to help, just kept eating". Or, the neighbor that kept watering her lawn watching, "why didn't she go inside and call the police"? I have clue.

I was helped by a motorcyclist that was passing by, enjoying his ride on a summer day. I'm sure he didn't want to get involved but he did, and I thank God everyday.

Congratulations on your sobriety, its not easy! I'm sorry this event feels so stressful to you. I wish you could see it from our eyes. You offered help and compassion, by helping them and checking on them later at the hospital. How many of your neighbors did that? What you see as God pushing you, I see him using you as an example, showing that you are a good, kind man helping his fellow man. Treating someone the way he would like to be treated if he or his family needed help.

I for one am thankful that I know you through these blogs. I wish you had been my neighbor when I was screaming for help. This just goes to show you would have been there ready to help.

I will pray for his family and for you to find comfort in faith.

Jim said...

Paul your neighbors are lucky to have a person like you with the courage to jump in and do what's right. I'm sorry to hear he didn't make it but I know his family will always be grateful for all that you did to try and save him.